So, commuting back and forth twice a week between Edmonton and Calgary for the last three months had given me a lot of time to think. One of the things I've been thinking about recently is, coincidently enough, driving.
I haven't really been thinking anything deep, or even worth repeating, but I'm going to anyway. One of my favourite things to do is drive at night. I love all the lights and the empty roads. It's just relaxing and a great way to forget about everything. It probably also has something to do with when I'm typically driving at night. It's usually on the way to something fun or on the way back from it. It's probably somewhat psychological - driving at night usually means fun, so I find it relaxing even when there is nothing specifically fun happening.
The other thought I've had about driving is the amount of conscious thought, or lack thereof, that it requires. A couple weeks ago I found myself doing four things at once while returning from Calgary. I was driving, but also singing (that's right, I sing along with whatever I'm listening to while I drive), planning what I would do when I returned home, and analyzing the fact that I was doing all of these things at once. Sure it was on the notoriously straight and boring Highway 2, but still. That seems like a lot of brain activity to be directed at activities other than driving. And yet, I wouldn't have considered myself to be distracted or not paying enough attention during that time.
And now on to the reason for the second half of this post's title. Fear. I talked a little bit about fear and insecurity in my last post, but I think I'm going to touch on it again. I'm now living in Austin, and will be for the next three months. After that, I'll be living in New Orleans for another three months before moving back to Edmonton. During this time, I'll only return home for ten days around Christmas. The question I got asked the most when I would tell people about my trip was "Are you afraid?" My answer was usually something noncommittal. The truth is, no I'm not really worried about living on my own in a new city in a new country. And I'm only a little nervous about starting a new job with a new branch of the company. But I have realized that there is one thing that I am afraid of. I'm afraid of what home will be like when I return. We are all constantly changing. When you see people all the time, this changing is almost unnoticeable, but when there are long periods between seeing someone, they can seem like a completely different person when you finally meet up again. And that's what I'm afraid of. That when I get back, my friends or I will have changed and moved on and we just won't fit anymore. I think that about the only thing that can be done to try to prevent this from happening is to try to keep in touch and communicate as much as possible during the time that I'm gone. Beyond that, it's just a matter of waiting to see how things shake out.
Sleep well,
DTE
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Songs of the moment:
Human - The Killers, The Summer Sends its Love - Sherwood, Kids - MGMT
Music while I wrote:
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog Soundtrack, Social Code - Social Code
